My faith rises and recedes seasonally. But it looks like this year it has receded more at each down turn, eroding the "I believe" to "I feel", and now, to "I want to feel."
It used to be that my seasons of belief would be punctuated by short upticks of doubt. Now it appears the opposite: the doubt, the unbelief predominates. (Or was it always this way, and I just haven't noticed?)
I'm unconvinced by most messages I hear, and the more inspiring God is in a message, the angrier I am at the God that exists.
The God of the message gives you a great job in the financial sector, while the one that exists allows children to die horrifically. The God of the message makes you feel hopeful about your romantic prospects while the God that exists pollutes a river, starves a country. The God of the message is there to coddle you about your physical appearance and the God that exists fakes his own death or skips town when ISIS comes. The God of the message commands with great unction "Let there be...", and the one that exists can only, and always only, say "let it be, let it be."
Maybe I'm only losing faith in the artificial projections of God I've been taught to believe. Maybe the God I believe in is shedding - shedding himself of all the childish fancies I had of him, and maybe a living, breathing, personal God will emerge out of the dead shell - the kind that is there just to save you from sin but has no guarantees about anything else. But is such a God worth believing in?
It used to be that my seasons of belief would be punctuated by short upticks of doubt. Now it appears the opposite: the doubt, the unbelief predominates. (Or was it always this way, and I just haven't noticed?)
I'm unconvinced by most messages I hear, and the more inspiring God is in a message, the angrier I am at the God that exists.
The God of the message gives you a great job in the financial sector, while the one that exists allows children to die horrifically. The God of the message makes you feel hopeful about your romantic prospects while the God that exists pollutes a river, starves a country. The God of the message is there to coddle you about your physical appearance and the God that exists fakes his own death or skips town when ISIS comes. The God of the message commands with great unction "Let there be...", and the one that exists can only, and always only, say "let it be, let it be."
Maybe I'm only losing faith in the artificial projections of God I've been taught to believe. Maybe the God I believe in is shedding - shedding himself of all the childish fancies I had of him, and maybe a living, breathing, personal God will emerge out of the dead shell - the kind that is there just to save you from sin but has no guarantees about anything else. But is such a God worth believing in?
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