Rethinking whether this practice is meant for me. I am discovering that, underneath the hood, I am prone to anxiety about work. I play the cool-headed guy in court, but I'm never really sure of anything. Maybe 90% of being a lawyer just is ad-libbing. Or maybe I'm just a rookie, something that'll circumvent in time. But maybe it's a red flag, a sign that this is not something I want to be doing.
I can't help but wonder - is it better to get fired from your first job early in life, and to let that be the kick-start you needed to work hard the rest of your life, than not to get fired but also not to accomplish a genuine advance in career levels, to get stuck where you are for the rest of your life?
Not that I'll get fired or get stuck. Some of my partners are very proud of me. Others, maybe not. So the situation is lukewarm. But maybe that's the prob. I don't want to leave by exile or by life-boat. I want to leave with choice. I wish I can get a third-person view of the timeline of my life, get the lens real focused on where I am now and what got me here and what it'll take to get me somewhere else.
Guardrails:
1. Improper considerations: fear of challenges; extent of workload.
2. Proper considerations: degree of oversight; workload proportion to pay; verve.
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Next time you spell your name over the phone, use names of places when possible. F for Finland, I for India, N for Nairobi, N for Nairobi, E for Egypt, and Y for ... Yogurt.
